Bottom Line
My boss specifically directed me to give feedback to two of my directs that I'm not sure I agree with. I realize that it doesn't matter since I'm being told to do it. But I'm not exactly sure how to word my feedback. I also want to stress that this has been brought to the attention of people above me by many layers which can have bad repercussions.
My best draft leave me uninspired:
ME: Can I give you some feedback?
ME: When you complain about your job, doing bug fixes for customers, how the current work you are doing is no fun,... in public places in the company you can be overheard by many people. Even if you are unhappy, repeatedly stating this to coworkers and other people in the company is perceived by upper management as breeding discontent. Upper management sees you as not stepping up and being a leader which your job level indicates. Upper management sees you as eroding the employee engagement, stirring up discontent and not doing what the customer wants.
ME: What can you do differently?
Details
I have two directs who have been unhappy with some work they have had to do since we had some layoffs last fall. My strategy was this. Initially, I was sympathetic but stressed that it was for the good of the company - and that can mean not necessary the best thing for them - but they needed to just get it done. After the complaining continued at one-on-ones, I stepped this up to say that I had really said all I was going to say or had to offer. I asked if they had a new problem or was this still the same issue. It was so I said I had nothing else to say and I thought we needed to move on and cover more important things. Since that, they've been better - at least around me or their peers (who had been complaining about them whining!) Their peers have said they are no longer causing any issues. (I had also told the peers not to give them a sympathetic ear and they have followed that advice. Basically, ignoring whiners can often be the best way to get them to just stop...i.e. no audience!)
....Well apparently, an upper manager caught them being very vocal about how much they hated doing their current work in the gym at lunch one day. That person told my boss's boss's boss, who told my boss's boss.... down to my boss telling me I have to talk to them about their attitudes.
So, now I'm struggling with what exactly to say. My personal thought is that this was a private discussion - albeit in the company gym. I DO NOT want to open up this for discussion anymore! I have already said I won't discuss it unless there is something new to say.
What behavior did you observe?
You can only talk about what you saw.
How about: .... When my boss tells me to give you feedback because his boss overheard you and X complaining about your jobs in the gym, here's what happens: Your job is at risk. My job is at risk. It's going to be very difficult for me to advocate for you, or to propose that you receive a bonus, a raise, or a promotion. What can you do differently.
You also have unhappy employees. While you want to focus on their behavior, you also need to recognize that maybe they're in the wrong job.
John Hack
Diferent take and too long...
You CAN give feedback about behavior you didn't see. In the cast where we addressed this, the question is, do you BELIEVE the information you're getting? That has to do with trust of the deliverer, understanding of the behaviors of the direct in question, etc.
But I don't get why you don't agree with it. These guys ought not to be running their mouths in a public place. Sure, perhaps the guy who heard it could have said something...but we're past that now. What they did was wrong, and we ought to do them the courtesy of telling them they were overheard and they oughtn't be so clumsy. It was NOT private. Someone overheard them.
Can I give you some feedback?
When you complain about your work at the gym, senior people overhear it and tell me to talk to you about it. Can you be more careful in the future?
I suspect what will catch them up is the part that a senior person overheard them and this feedback isn't about their complaining or their disagreement but rather with the public part of it.
Not that hard, really.
Thanks and some clarification on what my boss said...
Thanks for the condensed versions. Mine was too verbose which was bothering me. That's a fault I keep working on!
In trying to be brief, I left out something that was probably important (but I thought we'd all agree on). My boss told me to give them feedback to change their attitude (in those words). Because of these pod-casts, I changed that to something actionable which was venting in public. However, technically I am not giving the feedback I was told to give. I think I'm good because I'll achieve what we really care about - their effect on the workplace - rather than telling them to basically be happy!
I also had already had the conversation with them about whether this job is a good fit for them. If they really cannot be happy (not just live with) the new way things are, maybe they need to look elsewhere - I'd help them internally, look at their resume, etc. It was interesting that both said they really didn't feel like doing that. I interpreted that (maybe a bad thing to do) as that they just wanted to vent. So, after a few more times of them venting to co-workers, complaining about assignments, etc. I gave them feedback that they doing these things was a waste of my time, inappropriate because I needed them to do the work for customers, ... After that, it stopped - at least I thought so until now.
A reason I was reluctant to give feedback on this was that I don't know if it was just they were having a bad day, something particular set them off, etc. But even my boss's boss made a comment to me that they were smiling and joking around in a recent meeting. The comment was that they didn't seem that upset.
But I do guess I agree that I need to tell them to keep their bad days to themselves. They are more senior and it is part of being a leader.
If They're More Senior...
If these folks really are senior...WOW. They REALLY ought to know better. Execs that do this are committing a potential career limiting/ending move.
And then it's DEFINITELY irrelevant about whether they were having a bad day or not.
You nailed their response...which had me prepared!
Mark,
You were correct in your comment: "I suspect what will catch them up is the part that a senior person overheard them and this feedback isn't about their complaining or their disagreement but rather with the public part of it."
They both kept asking what did they say and how could they do anything without knowing that. Fortunately, your response had me prepared and I just kept saying that its not what you said its that it was in public. Eventually, they both came around and got the message (I did do this separately in their one-on-ones.)
It does make me think now about what I may need to work on with their leadership skills. They are both very technical people with great technical skills.
Thanks. If I hadn't thought about that side, I might have gotten caught up in what they said which I didn't want to get into.
Glad.
So glad it worked out well. I've found that conversations REALLY benefit from some prep and if-thens. It's just like management, in that way, I suspect.
And yes, talking about what someone said to someone else is a bit like telling someone they have a bad attitude. "That's NOT what I SAID!" is as predictable as, "No I DON'T!"
It's a privilege to serve you.